Initial days of coaching were full of struggle for me. Like they will be for any fellow coach who come to coaching with all the right intentions of being helpful. I also began with the mindset of changing the world with one conversation at a time. And it is not a bad intention at all. Just that it placed me in an ego space from where I will see the person sitting in front of me as somebody who need to be changed in some way to become better. You might think,”well, what’s wrong with that?”
The answer is, “nothing”. Nothing is wrong with the mindset. But there is something limiting about it. There is an inherent bias held in this mindset. A bias which originates from how you see the person (client), and how you see the world. When I see the person in need to of some change, development, growth to feel fulfilled, I am acknowledging that some fixing, achieving and solution is required. And so, I will also own a part in achieving that solution. And so, the curiosity will become misguided. I will focus more on problem than person. Trying to help or support a person will become a task, a burden. But that is not what is supposed to happen in coaching.
And so, one day I came across a beautiful book by Prof. David Hawkins (Map of consciousness explained) and a specific line in the book brought me the answer of this mindset dilemma.
“Quantum mechanics is the way out from the restrictive linear domain of Newtonian paradigm, via Heisenberg’s principle- in which we find the interesting discovery that to observe a thing is already to change the outcome because you have introduced the impact of consciousness itself. The level of consciousness of the observer has a profound effect on what is being observed.”
When I read this phrase, I kept the book aside to meditate on this idea and did not proceed further till I explored it and tested it in my own experience. And I let go. Let go of the intention or desire to do good, to help or support. I hold myself in place of an observer and become aware of my level of consciousness and let go of what might happen. And every time, it helps me lean into curiosity, courage, awe, joy and huge regard and respect for the person sitting in front of me.
Becoming aware of my own way of seeing the person (client) I notice that they also begin to see themselves differently. And then, movement becomes natural. Movement towards the new way way of seeing themselves. There is a natural integrity within our mind body system. How we really see ourselves is how we function as well. So, if we begin to see ourself differently, our inner system begin to align to the new way of seeing.
And I began to see the world as multiple pathways and possibilities. And we choose to stay in or move to some possibility. And it doesn’t make us less or more in any way. Just that we are our whole self in whichever reality we choose to live in.